We are so excited to welcome comedian Suzi Ruffell to Hebden Bridge Town Hall for a Lit & Sci event, where she will be in conversation about her book Am I Having Fun Now?, exploring the experiences, questions and contradictions that shape her life on and off stage. The event will be followed by a book signing.

In this brutally honest, funny and often moving memoir, Suzi tells her life story with openness and precision, while also drawing on insights from a range of experts to explore the bigger questions it raises. From masking anxiety through performance and struggling to find her place at school, on stage and in relationships, to coming out, building a career in comedy and becoming a parent, she lays her life bare with clarity, wit and sharp observation.

Suzi Ruffell is an award winning stand up comedian, writer, radio presenter and podcast host. She appears regularly on television favourites including Live at the Apollo, The Jonathan Ross Show and Mock the Week, and has built a large following through her live work and widely viewed online clips. Her podcasts include Like Minded Friends with Tom Allen, Big Kick Energy with Maisie Adam, and her long running solo series Out, featuring conversations with leading LGBTQ+ figures.

This event offers the chance to hear directly from one of the UK’s most distinctive comic voices, in a setting that allows for both humour and more reflective discussion. The evening will conclude with a book signing.

The Lit&Sci in collaboration with The Book Case in Hebden Bridge and Pan Macmillan presented Suzi Ruffell talking about her new book: Am I having Fun Now? Anxiety, Applause and Life’s Big Questions, Answered.

There was a powerful sense of anticipation inside the Town Hall’s Waterfront Room by 7.25pm last Tuesday evening. Many in the audience probably arrived expecting the Suzi Ruffell of the publicity material: the ‘suited and booted’ stand-up described as ‘a force to be reckoned with.’ They had perhaps seen her on Live at the Apollo, on television panel shows, across social media and podcasts. The expectation was of a full-throttle comic performance from one of Britain’s most confident contemporary stand-ups.

Our host for the evening, Mark from the Book Case, gave a rousing introduction and then Suzi ran on from the back to great applause. Gone were the smoke and flashing light of the Apollo. What emerged instead was something far more intimate. Rather than the swaggering comic titan some may have anticipated, Ruffell gave the audience what felt more like an extended green-room conversation: candid, self-aware and unexpectedly moving. Beneath the jokes lay an honest discussion about anxiety, vulnerability and the complicated business of coping with public life while privately struggling with self-doubt.

She explained that anxiety had been a lifelong companion and that the book allowed a level of honesty not possible in a stand-up set. At first, she punctuated difficult moments with quick-fire jokes. As the evening progressed, and the audience settled with her, the need for those protective one-liners gradually faded.

She drew us further in with each intimate revelation, describing her life in Brighton, for example: a home; a wonderful wife; a daughter, a blossoming career, but she still checks the door seven times to calm herself down. As she said, in a way that resonated round the room, ‘Anxiety has a pair of trainers; it always catches you up.’ In response, Mark teased it out of her that writing about is takes the fear of anxiety away. Around the room, many audience members sat with copies of the book resting on their laps. The mood suggested that Ruffell’s account of anxiety had struck a chord.

We had plenty of laughs mixed in with the moments when her inner insecurities were given the torchlight. Her teenage years and the realisation of what lesbianism meant in her life and the world at large inspired some joyous hilarity. Just like her Nan whose reaction everyone worried about when Suzi came out, but who simply said, ‘I still love you. It’s OK.’

If her book is a ‘memoir through the lens of anxiety,’ so was this fabulous evening. It felt less like watching a polished television comic and more like meeting the person beneath the greasepaint. A person who had come to terms with her demons. Just as we are all trying to do.

As the audience joined the queue for signed copies, it was clear that they were taking away more than a celebrity memoir. They had spent an evening in the company of someone prepared to talk openly about the anxieties and insecurities that many of us quietly carry ourselves.